I have been avoiding doing this post, mostly because I didn't know how to write any of this.
My older sister Nancy died on December 17th. After 8 weeks in hospital, ruling out all the cancers she didn't have, it turned out that the cancer she did have was in her liver. That, combined with an auto-immune infection, created the perfect storm of inflammation and fluid that ultimately took her life.
I still find myself wanting to call her, send an email - be in touch. And I still am. I talk to her most days. She became our surrogate mom after our parents died many, many years ago; and spent her whole life looking after my older brothers and younger sister. Other than a short period when we shared an apartment when I was turning 20, I managed to be the sibling who didn't need too much mothering, but always loved being her sister and her friend. We shared a love of fibre (among other things). I even introduced her to rug hooking.
As a way to celebrate her and keep her close, and as a form of therapy, I knit a sweater that I call "Ode to Nancy". It is a pattern called Love Note (on ravelry here) and I chose one of her favourite colours - baby pink. It is knit with a strand of sock yarn held together with a strand of mohair and is incredibly cozy - feels like a hug. It is perfect! Here's an awful selfie to show the sweater.
In this picture, I am also wearing the pearls that she gave me. A bit of a story - she had a burglary at her home many years ago and lost all the jewellery that our parents had given her. I felt so badly for her that I gave her our mom's pearls, which I had inherited. She was so grateful that a few years later, she gave me a strand of pearls that were the same size and colour as the strand of mom's. Decades later, I divided them into two shorter strands. One for me and one for my daughter. These are my pearls (recently re-strung with a new clasp, which I love). In this picture, I am also wearing a pair of earrings she gave me many years ago.
On the day this picture was taken, our younger sister (68 is only young if you are older) was getting the results on her first brain scans, since learning that her lung cancer had metastasized to her brain. I figured that on this day, we needed all the "Nancy" we could get. So I wore my armour. AND IT WORKED! My sister's brain lesions were GONE!!
I am not a religious person, but I am a spiritual one, and I know that Nancy is working some angel magic from wherever she is, if only in my heart. I know that Beth has lots of battles ahead, but for the next 8 weeks, we can exhale again. Seems like forever ago that I did that last. I have come to realize that every cancer patient lives their lives "between the scans". Not a nice place to be for anyone.
So here we are in January of a brand new year. Still being interrupted by COVID, which doesn't let us get together as we would like to. But I am hoping for a better year, with joy and love and good health for all.
I am looking at the world through new eyes, both figuratively and literally. I have a new sense of reality, having lost one sister and being a support person for the other one in her ongoing battle. But I also have a brighter outlook, thanks to my second cataract operation. These horrendously cold, sunny days are all the brighter for my new lenses. And I am trying to be equally as optimistic.
Thankfully, after a bit of a slump, my hooking mojo has returned and I have a challenging new project on my frame. I hope my enthusiasm prevails and that I will have something to share in my next post. So grateful to have fibre in my hands for the past two years, versus chewing them off in these stress-off-the-charts times.
Stay well. Stay warm. Stay sane. And thanks for reading this post. Thanks for reading them all, but especially this one.
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